Friday, April 28, 2006


It's Bank Holiday Weekend. I just taught my last class of the week. Yesterday I worked my final shoot of the week. I've edited over 400 pages of dissertation this week. During the next two weeks I hope to finish a (semi-final) draft of my dissertation, write and prepare four (4) conference papers/presentations for May, write two (2) chapters of books to which I am contributing, grade like 50 papers, start working on three (3) conference papers/presentations for June, and have lots of more TV shoots lined up. I am tired of thinking about my dissertation. I even worked on it nonstop in California, and when I wasn't working on it, I was mentally processing and re-processing it. I am tired of sitting around working all day, missing Awesome, and worrying psychotically about my future (and working on making it happen), since I have no idea what will become of me, us, or anything after July 26th. Every night that I've gone 'out' in I-don't-remember-how-long, I have made a conscious decision to not go too crazy so I wouldn't be too hungover the next morning so I could work way too much. As of late, I've been the highly responsible one. And quite frankly, I am fucking sick of it.

This weekend I am getting fucking paralytic! It. Is. Time. Tonight I have unmentionable plans. What? Tomorrow night one of my straight boyfriends, Simon, turns 30, and is having a giant party at Koko, the club space where Camden Palace used to be. I've not been to a proper club in ages, as I work all the damn time, travel random places where I don't go nutty, and am 42. I mean 27. Clubbing just hasn't seemed so enjoyable to me during the past couple of years, perhaps mainly due to the fact that I'm in a monogamous relationship. See, back in my club kid days, I knew that the only way to meet people and make friends was to take copious amounts of illegal drugs with beautiful newfound friends and immediately have sex with each and every last one of them. What?

I don't really give a flying fuck what happens this weekend. I hereby temporarily abandon all responsibility and more importantly, all guilt. Paralytic, I'm saying. PARALYTIC. (Now. Let's hope I'm not cursing myself into permanently breaking various limbs.)

The 'not-giving-a-fuck' meter is as far into the red zone as ever before. - Metallica's Lars Ulrich