Friday, July 14, 2006


I feel so very strange. Unrested. Anxious. About everything. And I don't know why. I think the new sleeping pills my doctor prescribed are making me paranoid and slightly depressed? My dreams are all fucked-up and paranormal. I have so so so much nervous energy. And chills. I feel like something very bad is about to happen. I hope it doesn't, and I don't know why I feel this way. I want to be sedated. I want to move to Antarctica and live alone in an igloo with no neighbors, but maybe keep nearby some friendly non-confrontational seals for comfort and conversation.

I abhore it when people use the word ironic incorrectly. Ironic is the most erroneously used word in casual conversation of my generation. It drives me crazy when my peers do not underestand irony but relentelessly say, That's so ironic. That said, though, without being ironic, apparently everything else bugs me right now, too. I feel like I'm going to flip? Not in an angry way. I feel like I need to go dancing and jump off a stage into a big crowd of people who catch me, people who do not use improperly the word ironic.

I don't know why, I don't know why, I want to know why. My weekend is looking rather calm until Sunday, which means I will continue being paranoid until then (and probably after then). Ever get that feeling that you need to mentally and/or emotionally prepare yourself for some unknown forthcoming event that's creepy or awkward? I can't sit still. I want to chain-smoke but I've quit smoking.

My friends are having a big BBQ for me on Sunday afternoon for No. 31 of my 52 going away parties. But that's not it. A BBQ is not freaking me out. Neither is the dinner party that my flatmate has planned for Saturday night. Nor is the drinks get-together I'm supposed to attend tonight. So what the fuck is wrong with me?

I'm drowning in assholes. - Burr Steers